Sexy in a Wetsuit? I Wish.


I'm so sorry if I'm the first one whose going to say this to you. But if you want to look sexy in a wetsuit, that just ain't gunna happen. It sucks, it's unfair, it's ridiculous. But here we are. Maybe right when you get to the beach, before you get in the water, you have a few minutes where the slimming features of a wetsuit play up the gorgeousness that is you. But the second you get in that water, it's over. Your hair? A mess. Your body? Encased. And looks a little bloaty. And thats what you want.


If you are in a place, like me, where you 100% must wear a wetsuit to even contemplate getting in that water, it's not about looking cute. Granted, maybe if it wasn't just all black, and had some fun prints my mind would change. But you need that encasement, that bloaty look. That bloaty look is the water insulating you so you don't get hypothermia.


I decided to ditch dating apps, but this is also mid-pandemic, and I have no idea how to meet people. My therapist suggested meeting people when surfing. Ya'll... I just laughed. I'm used to flirting in mini-dresses and heels. Not with knotted hair, ripples in my stomach line, blood shot eyes, and covered neck to toe. But being on the ocean is about the experience and not the look.


It sucks that in movies you always get the warm weather surfer girl shot, and not the "The water is 52 degrees, and to not die I need to look like a sausage" vibe. But here we are. Stupid beauty standards.

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